Three Dreams In One Day

So, there I was, across the room from this gay guy. Someone’s talking somewhere but that could be anyone.  It could be the girls sitting on a couch against the wall to my right.  We got camera people with cameras and big fluffy microphones hanging over us. I don’t really notice them though. I just know that they’re there. That’s how it works in reality TV shows. It’s real. But it’s not. You follow?

“Hey, Mark, would you mind rubbing some lotion on my back?” Mr. Gay guy suddenly asks.

I’m Mark, by the way. That’s me.

I don’t remember his real name. I don’t really care what his real name is. Did he ever tell me? How long have I been here?

I was apprehensive about the whole lotion-rubbing thing… but I figure, who cares, right? I’m walking. Walking over to rub lotion on this guy’s back. I’m thinking about how weird for him to want lotion rubbed on his back even though he’s not tanning. I mean, we’re indoors, for crying out loud.. No sun equals no tan. Maybe he meant moisturizing lotion. Maybe he’s the kinda guy that likes soft, smooth, gentle skin. He IS gay after all.

Just to be on the safe side, I tell him “Hey, buddy. You know I’m not gay, right?”

Now this must’ve been a strange thing for me to say because he looked at me in disbelief.

“You’re not gay?” he asks, with an offended/questioning tone.

“Yes. No. I’m not gay. What made you think I’m gay?”

“Wait a minute, you’re not gay?” The girls on the couch echoed.

“No. I’m NOT gay, you thought I was gay?” I answered. Wow! This is a real TV moment. Audiences must be eating this up. What’s the whole plot behind this show anyway? Is this one of those Real World shindigs? The ratings are probably skyrocketing as I reveal my sexual orientation. I can feel it.  I’m gonna be rich!

Then there’s the awkward silence. Everyone’s just staring at each other.

“So… you still want me to put lotion on your back?” I ask Mr. Gay guy whose name I still don’t know.

“No. It’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” He says, sounding a little disappointed.

There’s that awkward silence again.

“Hey, you wanna… rub lotion on MY back?” coming from the cute brunette in the pink shirt on the blue couch to my right.

And I walk over to the blue couch. “Sure. Yeah.”

I don’t know what her name is either.